Here’s the deal: Originally, Guillermo del Toro was going to direct The Hobbit. But then one day, Guillermo had to send an unfortunate email to executive producer Peter Jackson. “Sorry, dood,” the email probably said, “but ur taking waaaaay 2 long putting this 2gether. I got another thing that’s all like move it or lose it. Sorry, but I have 2 go work on a movie about GIANT ROBOTS PUNCHING MONSTERS IN THE FACE. Wish this hobbit thing coulda worked. Sorry!!!! :( :( :( ”
Peter Jackson went on to make the okay-but-bloated-and-visually-bizarre Hobbit Trilogy, of which only one third has yet come out. (Seriously? The fucking Hobbit NEEDS to be a trilogy? Really?) Meanwhile, Guillermo del Toro has made the best movie about GIANT ROBOTS PUNCHING MONSTERS IN THE FACE humanity has yet produced, and you need to go see it in the biggest, loudest goddamn theater you get get yourself to.
Because, seriously. The PROLOGUE to this movie covers all the territory that a lesser director would have turned into an entire move — a movie that’s not as good as this one, because there would have been less GIANT ROBOTS PUNCHING MONSTERS IN THE FACE. Here’s a thing that appeared one day. Monsters started pouring out of it. Shooting them with tanks and airplanes proved inefficient. So we built some GIANT ROBOTS with which to PUNCH said MONSTERS right IN THEir monster goddamn FACEs. Begin movie!
This is a movie that understands the best way to convey tragic, traumatic backstory is to do it with GIANT ROBOTS PUNCHING MONSTERS IN THE FACE. This movie believes the best way to introduce supporting characters is by showing them in GIANT ROBOTS PUNCHING MONSTERS IN THE FACE. This movie understands what it does well, so it’s really a series of build-ups to GIANT ROBOTS PUNCHING MONSTERS IN THE FACE and, when said face-punching starts happening, makes the GIANT ROBOTS PUNCHING MONSTERS IN THE FACE as spectacular, creative, and fucking epic as it possibly can.
Which, for a director like Guillermo del Toro, is quite spectacular, creative, and fucking epic indeed.
Jasmine and I saw it in IMAX 3D last night. We’re probably going to see it again. In IMAX 3D. Because watching it on our home theater (which we’re going to, at least as often as The Avengers) just won’t be the same.
Look, you already know whether the trailers intrigued you. And if they left you cold, sit this one out. This movie is exactly what it looks like.
But if your inner 13-year-old perked-up at the trailers, THIS MOVIE IS EXACTLY WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE. It’s GIANT ROBOTS. PUNCHING MONSTERS. IN THE FACE. And it is AWESOME. Go get some.