Justice Playthrough #196: No Brakes Valet

The random number generator said that Those Spacecrafts was next on the list, but Norton says no. Sorry, RNG, but as many games as I’m barebacking for this trawl, I gotta play it safe. So instead, we’re gonna do:

Page 8, Game 26: No Brakes Valet by Captain Games

And boy am I glad this one crossed my path. It’s a riot.

As implied, you are indeed a valet parking cars. The cars are launched at high speed from one of two parking lot inlets, and it’s up to you to guide them to a parking spot. The more cars that are plausibly parked, the more you make in tips!

Warning: Parking Lot May Contain Physics

Smashing cars into things is gonna kinda happen, but don’t worry, they’re indestructible. You can steer them, you can even slow them down — way to LIE to me, “No Brakes” Valet! — but what you CAN’T do is speed them back up. Once you run outta steam, you stop where you stop, and if you’re not in a parking spot, sucks to be you.

Eventually, the game decides it’s fired enough cars out of its automotive cannon and you’ll get paid. Now go get that money!

A job done, I’m gonna blow my money on drugs

No Brakes Valet proves that you can make a game that’s at once a total joke and still a damned good game. The dev liberally sprinkled the NBV with funny little jokes, from trucks filled with chickens to exploding things that look like coffee cups to the Prime Minister showing up and needing to be guided to the VIP slot to surprise bonus levels to cars that ACTUALLY have no brakes to a pair of built-in sequels with their own little twists (the sequels being 2 Brakes 2 Valet and No Brakes Valet: Ontario Drift) to … there are just a ton of gags in here, and most of them made me laugh.

But then once the game has told its jokes, it then settles into a groove of being a fun, challenging exercise in kinetic puzzle solving. You need to have good strategy AND fast reflexes to get the cars where you need them to be.

It’s simple, it’s silly, it works. And it’s free! Play this game. You’ll be glad you did.

Will this next game have a two-player mode letting my wife and I park cars competitively?

Page 30, Game 26: Medieval Town and Country + Interiors Bundle by PVGames

“Medieval: Interiors and Exterior town tiles, characters, and more!”

Ah, an asset pack. Perhaps I could make a game about stabling unruly horses. I mean, I won’t. But perhaps I could.