For any “Game of Thrones” fans still reeling from The Red Wedding:
You may well resent us book readers for keeping this spoiler from you. Or for giggling uncontrollably at your pain. But in case you’re thinking of giving the hell up on the show, there’s hope! Not all spoilers are coming catastrophes!
There is justice in George RR Martin’s world. It is rarely either cheap or timely. But if you’re concerned the story to come is naught but a nihilistic gloomfest where the cruel are rewarded and the kind systematically ground to dust … not so much.
Here are some spoilers that, through five books of the series, you may yet look forward to without a looming sense of dread:
JOFFREY “BARATHEON”: Dies. Publicly. Horribly. Soon.
TYWIN LANNISTER: Dies. Embarrassingly. As a direct consequence of something utterly horrible he did over a decade ago.
GREGOR CLEGANE, aka “THE MOUNTAIN WHO RIDES”, aka THAT BIG ASSHOLE WHO DECAPITATED A HORSE AND HAD HIS MEN TORTURE PEASANTS TO DEATH BECAUSE FUCK IT THEY WERE BORED: Dies. Screaming. Over a period of several days. Because revenge is a dish best served with tweaked mega-poison.
ARYA STARK: A shape-shifting assassin, training to become an even more bad-ass shape-shifting assassin. This is supposed to strip her of her identity. Arya keeps a piece of her identity stored off-site in a dire wolf. No-one yet knows precisely where this is going, but because it’s Arya, it’s safe to assume “somewhere awesome.”
TYRION LANNISTER, DANY TARGARYEN, LADY BRIENNE OF TARTH: All in tight corners. All learning some hard lessons. All still in the game.
Of course, some horrible things are going to happen, too. It IS Game of Thrones, you know.