“Jesus Christ, this is at least a quarter ass short of qualifying for half-assed. I’m in serious danger of going into Jerkass Mode on this one. The author isn’t expecting anyone to give them actual, you know, MONEY for this, are they?”
“Right. We are GO for Jerkass.”
Page 50, Game 28: 1-6 Oozes in the Dark by Deus Ex Minima
“Hey, have some low-level PCs in D&D 5e? Have them fight some fucking gray oozes!”
There. That’s the adventure. You may keep your three bucks. You’re welcome.
Or, you can buy it. This will also get you:
- A sliding Perception check chart where, if the PCs beat a 20, they will notice the hilt to a sword that is not mentioned anywhere else in the adventure.
- A random encounter chart where you roll a d12 and pit the characters against a perfectly generic D&D foe.
- A thoroughly generic hex map of the contryside, with an indication that it apparently has a fuckton of caves.
- A loot table. As a reward for fighting a cave full of enemies that could easily destroy them and potentially shred their gear, the PCs could, if you roll poorly enough, earn 37 pennies.
- A d12 NPC name generation chart. Behold fantasy names such as Bivvup Garn, Bronchow, or Roy.
- Locals of note! There’s an overly talkative bartender, a dude maintaining a spy network that sounds interesting but has sweet fuck-all to do with the titular oozes, and some lady who keeps seeding the cave with fresh oozes with which to lure adventurers to their deaths. She sounds pretty interesting, actually. What’s her deal? Shouldn’t she be fleshed-out a bit more? Shouldn’t learning of her scheme and bringing her to justice be the focus of the adventure?
- Nah, just walk into a cave and fight some fucking oozes. After you fight (*rolls 7*) a flock of 1d4 stirges first.
- A cave map that looks suspiciously like a vagina.
Page 55, Game 15: The Morrison Survival Game by Jon Jon Games Studios, Inc.®
I truly have no idea what to expect here.