Quite possibly the purist piss-take I’ve yet encountered in the trawl. I can’t quite decide if I admire it or despise it.
I think I’m settling on … like, 20% admire, 80% despise. This game is ass, but there’s something about the shamelessness of its ass-ness that kinda forces me to respect it a bit. It’s like a no-budget video game version of Adam Sandler when he’s in 100% “I’m just suckering the studio into paying for a vacation for me and some buddies” mode. It’s so brazenly apathetic to both my time and to the very concept of “effort” that it makes me want to slow-clap while telling it to lick my taint.
Page 43, Game 6: Chimpology by themorfeus
You are one of the many, many chimpanzees powering the Internet in the 90’s. You will manually send out the zeros and ones that create the pictures people were sending willy-nilly to each other back in the day. Type pixels, get bananas!
Press either “0” (the “z” key) or “1” (better known as “m”) when the game tells you to. As you do, the picture you’re transmitting will reveal itself. Fuck up once, and your multiplier meter crashes. Fuck up again before your multiplier meter has turned over, and it’s a parity error, game over.
That’s it. That’s the game.
There’s a lot of stuff you COULD do with this game. For instance, instead of randomly cycling through a small set of pictures, you could instead use them to tell a story of some sort. You could start introducing more mechanics to screw with the player and keep them on their toes. You could use the silly, tedious gameplay as a starting point for a slow descent into madness a la Frog Fractions.
But, naw. Type ones and zeros, get bananas.
There’s two-player mode. There’s multiplayer. There’s a trailer on YouTube. THIS GAME IS AVAILABLE ON STEAM, where it’s getting good reviews and may be purchased for $1.99.
I’m honestly in awe at the truly extravagant lack of fucks on display here.
To finish off the absurdity, the download for this game — which, I remind you, is satirizing the Internet’s low-speed early days — is ONE HUNDRED AND TEN MEGABYTES. For the zip file, I mean. It expands into a svelte 209 MB. Most of this is taken up by what appears to be a complete copy of version 1.8 of the Java Runtime Environment.
Almost a third of a gig of my hard drive is now devoted to this fucking game.
Lick my taint.
Will this next game make me break this streak of reviewing stuff like a colossal douchebag?
Page 51, Game 1: Learn Japanese To Survive: Kanji Combat OST by Slaleky
“The Kanji Combat Official OST!”
Oh thank fucking god. There’s only so assholish I can be to a game that’s actually trying to teach me a thing.