Justice Playthrough #169: who will you save? who will you serve?

It’s time for everybody’s favorite review style, where Pete half-jokingly proclaims himself a basic bitch and then tries to find enough remotely insightful things to say about a game that’s largely going over his head so that the reader does not realize how deep his basic bitchness goes.

I will, however, say that if you’re a Sumerian mythology nerd and you play this game with a fellow Gilgameshead and there is anything resembling sexual attraction between the two of you, this game will get you EXTREMELY laid. So it’s got that going for it.

Page 57, Game 12: who will you save? who will you serve? by linda c

So there’s this dude Enkidu, real crazy fucker, more tightly aligned with the animals than humankind. He’s doing all this PETA shit but with worse personal hygiene — springing animals from traps set by hunters, wrecking livestock pens, leading predators to the local day-care, just being a huge pain in everybody’s ass.

King Gilgamesh would like him to kindly knock it the fuck off, but would rather not kill him; he’s a think-outside-the-box kinda warlord, and besides, big-dick energy recognize big-dick energy. So, he’s gonna try to solve the problem in the most bro way possible: throw some pussy at it. Enter Shamhat, the sacred prostitute. She’s had some weird gigs before, but fucking civilization into a crazy beast-dude is a first.

No worries. She’s up for it. She’s that good.

So, one of you will be Shamhat, the representative of civilization, and the other will be Enkidu, who is all things wild and untamed. And you’re gonna bang.

… or not. This is self-insert Gilgamesh fanfic, and how closely you stick to canon is your business. The game walks you through various stages: you each define your basic traits, describe what you see when you first meet on opposite sides of the river, etc, etc. There’s a lightweight playing card mechanic to help guide some of what you talk about and what happens; nothing too deep, but I do appreciate when storytelling games add a bit of game to their game so that the players have to respond to something and can’t just script everything.

So, what happens? What do you want? What draws you to each other? What do you act on? That’s on you two to figure out.

This is another one of those games that isn’t quite for me, but could be something really special for two players who find the groove it’s laying down. If you think you’re one of them and know somebody who would likewise be into it, it might very well be worth your while.

I will point out, however, that the canonical ending has Shamhat and Enkidu fucking each other stupid for a solid week. If you go there, don’t half-ass it with a quickie; you’ll make Baby Gilgamesh cry.

Will this next game enhance my appreciation for the horniness of our ancestors?

Page 56, Game 16: Dr. Trolley’s Problem by WeroCreative

“Test your morals in the trolley problem”

Less horny, more splattery. As a Good Place fan, I’m seriously into it.