Insane Troll Logic: The Game!
Page 11, Game 12: Broken Minds by LockedOn
Interactive novel where you’re a young woman who’s just moved out on her own, but who has horrendously abusive parents. Luckily, someone has murdered them! In your apartment. Which is kind of a pisser.
Still. You contact a detective agency to investigate the crime, because police are apparently not a thing in this world. The three detectives will bicker and stay stupid inappropriate shit and extort you for money as they try to solve the case — and recruit you into doing their work for them.
Who killed your parents?
Well, you, duh.
I mean, that’s not what the game says. The game … says all sorts of preposterous shit, and tries to get you to follow along. The game very seriously feels scripted by a hyper six-year-old. There was a BUNNY! An EVIL BUNNY! Who was outside your apartment! And started a fire in your kitchen! And when you ran away, THE EVIL BUNNY SHOT YOUR PARENTS! Except they weren’t really shot! Your dad was poisoned! Your mom’s pacemaker failed! BUT THEN THEY WERE SHOT ANYWAY AND NOW YOU’RE AN ORPHAN WHAAAAAAAA?!
This game is so bizarre it actually starts to horseshoe back around to brilliant. It LOOKS fantastic, with a cool, fucked-up art style that clashes violently with the bizarre sitcom banter of the three fuckwit detectives investigating the case. You can investigate the crime scenes, which mostly involves clicking on arrows at random and learning nothing in particular.
At one point, you’ll be tasked with answering the door, finding the envelop dropped on the floor, and returning it to one of the detectives who can then read it to you. This is one of the more challenging quests in the game.
You get some dialog options, and it may not work for shit, but you gotta love this choice tree.
I went with “Nice” before more regularly choosing “Psychopath” in an effort to express glee at my parents’ demise. It did not seem to matter.
So, is this game, you know, good? Oh, FUCK no. It’s terrible. But there’s a kind of dim enthusiasm to its awfulness that gives it a bizarre Wiseau-esque charm. If you’d like to experience a noir mystery as filtered through the imagination of someone who doesn’t know what either of those words mean, by all means, give it a look.
What manner of brain-bending madness awaits me next?
Page 24, Game 6: Wild Woods by WildWoods
“Go on an expedition, cooperate with up to four friends and fight your way through the woods”
Ah, camping gone fucked. Sounds like like the Blair Witch OMFG MY USER NAME IS RELEVANT PLEASE LET THERE BE HIPPOS.