Well wasn’t that just topical as all hell.
Page 54, Game 17: Lacrymo Tennis 2016 (+ 2018), by Les Jeux d’la Tête
Les hommes are protesting! Something! Probably not what we’ve been protesting lately, because the French have their own shit going on, but, you know, protesting! But oh, no! Les gendarmes! Police brutality is truly the universal language, and those cochones are indiscriminately chucking tear gas into the crowd!
But luckily for the crowd, you happen to love democracy almost as much as you love sports! So you’re gonna dive in there with your tennis racket and send those canisters of war crimes back where they came from!
This is a very, very silly game. In the base 2016 version, you’re constantly windmilling your tennis racket around and around, meaning you need to position yourself to swat the canisters off the ground during the upstroke phase of the animation. In the more advanced 2018 version, you actually control swinging your tennis racket with a mouse button. You thwack, you cough, you thwack some more.
There’s a real game under here somewhere, but whoever wrote it clearly was not in possession of enough fucks to bother bringing it out. What, precisely, am I being rewarded for here? Am I trying to swat the canisters while they’re in the air? That’s more challenging than just thwacking them from the ground so I’d think so, but no, there doesn’t seem to be any inherent reward for that. What makes the tear gas exhaust me faster? Will my lungs last longer the less time the tear gas hangs around? I’d think so, but I’m weirdly uncertain. How do I, like, DO WELL at this game?
I’m honestly not sure.
But randomly smacking police stupidity with a tennis racket makes for a perfectly acceptable way to kill fifteen minutes or so.
And this sumbitch is free! Go click the link at the top of the page for some old-school Flash game excitement.
What’s next? Will it be as topical?
It will be Page 50, Game 7: Arigatou, Ningen-san!, by by Michelle
“An interactive story about squishing animals”
By “squish,” you better damn well mean “hug enthusiastically,” game. You do look adorable, so that’s what I’m going to hope for.